One of the hardest things for me in coming home to the states is that I am stepping back into a world where everything is familiar but I am not sure where my place is. Sometimes my guard is up when it shouldn't be and other times I am just too sensitive. In my first week back here in the states, I had an encounter with a person I love very much and wanted to reconnect with but it just wasn't working. We were both sensitive and hurting and not relating well. I wanted to put this person in his/her place because I was sure I was right. My emotions were in control. I had a choice. Lose my cool or retreat to a quiet place. By God's grace, I retreated to the quiet where I cried still mad over a trivial matter. As I cried and prayed, God showed me that I was not seeing the situation clearly. I had an attitude that needed changed. It didn't matter what the other person did, I am still called to love him/her. He/she was handling the situation in his/her own way. The next morning I found myself writing a note of apology and seeking reconciliation. God is good when it comes to forgiveness and grace hopefully I can learn to do the same and others for me. I can't say everything is perfect but it is a work in progress.
In Psalm 60:12, it says "With God, we will gain victory and he will trample down our enemies." My enemies are not people. My enemies are my emotions that want to control me and the lies I hear in my head. My ultimate enemy is Satan who wants relationships to not work. He wants us to think only of ourselves and not about others. Only with God, can we have victory. This is what I praying for.
For some great words on responses and choices, check out this post by Lysa.
Dear God, You are sovereign and Lord over all. Be Lord of all of me today. Forgive me when I only think of how I feel and do not see others as you see them. Forgive me when I make the wrong choice. Give me victory in you to do the right thing and bring you glory in all things. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your eyes for you are my Rock and my Redeemer. Amen