I Am Fine

If someone asks you how you are.  The standard response is either "I am fine" or "Good, how about you?"  In Central Asia, the question and response are similar except it can be a 2 to 3 minute exchange.  The answers are predictable and expected.   On Sunday, we made it back to the states in time to spend Mother's Day with Nana.  We had many people asking us how we were doing.   Many of them had been praying for our family the past month during all that has gone on. We were blessed by those who came up to us and wonder how we are doing.  Right now, "How are you?" is a hard question.  It's been a long month.  I am not really sure how I am.   So for now, "I am fine" is the standard answer.  

Because I am fine.

• I am safe.
• My kids and I are healthy.
• We have family and friends who are praying for us.
• We have a place to lay our heads and food to eat.
• We are with family.
• I have a God who goes ahead and behind us.  He never leaves us or forsakes us.
• God is sovereign and has a plan for our summer.
• I am slightly in denial that I am here and not there.
• We have plans with friends and family that feel like an added bonus since we weren't suppose to be back for another two year.
• God is closest in the unknowns.

But then again if you asked me how I really am and if we had time, I might tell you I am not fine because...

• I am hurting.  We left the place I most consider home.
• I am frustrated since we felt like we had just arrived back in Central Asia and then had to leave.
• At the airport waiting to leave, I had to restrain the tears that just wanted to fall and ended up laughing instead.  
• I don't like being away from my husband.  It's harder to communicate, and I just want to be there to take care of him.
• I am not ready to be a nomad for the summer.
• I am sad about the opportunities for the summer I had to leave behind.
• There are a lot of unknowns in the next few months that I am trying to give to God but it can be hard.

This post has me thinking about how I handle the "How are yous? in my interactions.  I have friends whose year has been rough much rougher than mine.  Am I ready to hear how they are?  Can I make the time to hear my single mom friend tell me how hard it is working all day and taking care of her boys at night?  Can I cry with a friend who is hurting and doesn't know what her family's next step will be?  When I ask my friend who lost her husband how she is, am I really wanting the truth?  Maybe they will want to share and maybe they won't but if they do am I ready? On the other hand, am I prepared to hear about how a friend is doing great and everything in life is going well? Can I be glad for them and praise God with them?

 Right now, I am not so sure if I can verbally share how I am doing.  I still need time to pray and process.  So if you ask me how I really am, I may tell you but then again you may have to settle for the "I am fine" answer at least for now that is.

Dear God, Each day you want to know how we are doing.   You know if we are fine or not so fine.  You know the good and the bad.   In your word, it says that you use us to help comfort and be there for those around us.  Give me the wisdom and insight to listen to how others are doing.  Help me to really ask how those around me are doing.  May I really listen to their words so that they are heard and loved.  May they feel free to share.  Amen